


I Don't Need to be Forgiven

by purplequeenppgz



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-20 13:05:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8250106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplequeenppgz/pseuds/purplequeenppgz
Summary: Finn and Kylo have one last talk before Kylo is executed the next day.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys. I was just feeling antsy about not publishing fanfiction for a while so I decided to upload this simple thing.

Finn walks down the hallway as his thick boots echoed throughout the hallway. The guards take one look at him and let him through, opening the door for him. Finn walks into the cell .Kylo had his back turned to Finn but Finn knew he was awake. Kylo turned around to look at Finn. It had been many years since they've seen each other. It’s been a while since he's seen those rich brown eyes.

Finn didn't know what to expect by coming here. Some naive part of him was hoping that while facing death maybe Kylo had a change of heart. It wouldn't do him any favors if he did since he’d still be executed but it was a pleasant thought; knowing his former lover got his redemption before his death.

The more realistic part of him knew the best he could hope for was a quick conversation, something to settle his nerves about Kylo inevitable death. Finn knew this visit was more for him. The thought of having to see his ex-lover die before his eyes makes him ill. He needed to at least talk to Kylo one last time before Kylo gets executed. Somehow he felt Kylo would find the right words to trick him into thinking that everything was going to be okay.

"Wasn't expecting you to come," Kylo said.

"I wasn't going to but I decided I wasn't going to let them kill the man I love without saying goodbye first," Finn said.

Kylo scuffs."Love, huh? I'm not even sure you know what that is."

"Please ,Kylo. It took a lot for me to walk here. Just talking to you puts my reputation at risk."

Kylo looked at him as if inspected if Finn was telling the truth. He guess with the gaurds outside could start a rumor. Of course ,if this was the First Order ,you'd kill any officer who spread information that wasn't theirs to share. Kylo is not surprised that the Resistance is so incompetent they can't even control their own soldier’s mouths. Kylo was able to do that just fine."You wouldn't even say it the last time we were together. Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Circumstances are different. I don't think I could live with myself knowing I didn’t take the chance to tell you."

"I don't think you've ever felt the same as I do for you,"Kylo said. Finn was about to open his mouth "If you did you wouldn't have left"

"You know why I left. It wasn't about you. At least it, wasn't only about you. You know this." Finn shouldn't be surprised that Kylo took him leaving so personally. But fuck he wish he didn't make this harder than it has to be. All Finn wants is one final pleasant conversation. He doesn't want this to degenerate into an argument but it seems like Kylo isn't in the mood to be pleasant.

"Yes, I know. I still haven't forgiven you though."

Finn was taken aback by his arrogance. He hasn't forgiven him? "Your on death row for crimes against the galaxy. You were a leader in a galactic terrorist group. Your forgiveness means nothing to me." Finn didn't mean that. Kylo's forgiveness shouldn't mean anything to him but it did. How Finn's heart ached knowing Kylo still resents him for what he considers the best choice he's ever made in his life. He wanted Kylo to see things his way at least a little bit.

"Trying to set order to the galaxy is hardly what I would call terrorism," Kylo says with a scowl.

"You've killed so many people Kylo. You killed innocent lives because they wouldn't bend to your well. You killed for a man who'd throw you out the second you refused to be useful. You’ve done things that were unforgivable."

"I did what I had to do to control my empire. Snoke said he would awaken my full potential but he was a fool. He used me as a pawn but with him out of the way I made the First Order what it was meant to be. The people that didn't like my rule could have left my empire anytime. Snoke would have treated them a lot worse. I don’t need anyone’s forgiveness for maintaining order."

So it wasn't that Kylo hated killing. He just hated killing for Snoke and being Snoke's lap dog. He wanted to terrorize and dominate people on his own terms. Finn could feel his heart clench into itself and sink, slowly draining him of hope as it did so.

Finn's shoulders slumped and he hanged his head. He couldn't stop the tears from flowing out of his eyes. Within seconds he was a whimpering mess. this was so undignified for a General. The worse part is he didn't even know why he was crying. It was all just to much to take in at once.

They were going to kill the man he loves and there’s nothing he can do nothing he should do really. Kylo wasn't even all that remorseful for his actions as far as he could tell. Didn't seem to mind killing but hated killing for Snoke and being someone else’s killing machine. Finn knew he loved a monster that deserved to die but that didn't make it any less painful knowing he was going to die.

What made things harder was that Kylo was never a complete monster at least around him. He remembered their tender moments before he defected. He just wish he would show that same gentleness and empathy to other people. So other people could see what he saw. Finn knew that this made him a lovestruck fool.

"Goodbye," Finn says.

Finn bolts out the cell. His walks quickly and in long strides, which surprises him because by how weak and wabbly his legs feel he feels like they're going to give out from under him.

When Finn got back to his quarters, he manages to slam face first into his bed. He cried himself for hours. He cried so much that he tired himself out and fell asleep. By the time it was the next morning his eyes still stung from all the tears he's shed.

 

It was the morning of Kylo's execution and the air was so stiff it was suffocating. The execution was to be held inside a courtroom with many high ranking resistance members including Kylo's mother. Her face betrayed no emotions and Finn has to wonder if she's given up on Kylo long before she's reached this point. If so, Finn is jealous. He wished he'd given up on Kylo too. It would make this a lot easier for him if he had. Kylo is cuffed and is forced to stand as an officer reads out Kylo's crimes to the galaxy aloud. This was all being recorded of course and broadcast so every wallscrean near and far can see Kylo die in real time.

Everything felt like it was happening to slow and too fast at the same time. Finn felt so disconnected by his surroundings as if his brain shut itself off from the world. He was alert enough to see that Rey would occasionally sneak glances at him and so would General Leia.

When the officer finished reading Kylo's long list of crimes against the galaxy, he stepped out of the way as three more officers walked forward with their lasers in hand. They blasted Kylo and when they were done shooting he was on the floor and the smell of burning flesh filled the room.

Finn kept it together throughout the ordeal, but when the holocamaras turn off and they take Kylo's body away tears started streaming down his face.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is less descriptive than my other ones because though I'm antsy to write school leaves me too drained creativly.
> 
>  
> 
> The original idea for this fic was suppose to be bittersweet. I mean the theme for this fic was suppose to be Chocolate by Panty and Stockings with Garterbelt. That did not happen. I had a scene where while finn cries in the cell Kylo gets up to kiss him and basically says some things to make the whole ordeal bittersweat (a heavy emphasis on the bitter though) instead of just bitter. I decided against that because I thought it would be best if Finn didn't get any sense of closure


End file.
